Due Date

Our latest due date has come and gone.

Eli Michael McCoy's expected due date was February 3rd.

The day and weekend flew by with all kinds of drama...I didn't have a moment to sit and think.  Which is fine.

Friday started with Carter pooping in my exercise class, then was followed up with him having his tongue clipped.  The tongue thing was something we've been looking into but when the doctor said "I can clip it now." I was shocked, not prepared but answered "OK."

So snap, snap when my baby's tongue.  He was so brave.  It pretty much killed me.  They held him down and he kept his emotions in.  They numbed his tongue first, then snipped under it a few times.  When he got up he had the biggest tears in his eyes as he reached for me.  The only thing he said was "sticker." After all, the doctors had promised him one.

His tongue felt "hot" for the next 24 hours.

That night, he couldn't sleep.  He was up and in pain and couldn't be consoled. :(  So for 2 hours straight he cried in my arms.  Then he woke up pretty early.

Nap was almost the same.

Around nap time I started having strange heart feelings.  My heart was skipping beats and pounding so hard.  I called the nurse and to the ER we went.

Apparently, I'm fine.

It's been doing this every time I sit still or lay down.

They say it has something to do with anxiety.

AND I know where that is coming from.  Because since we said goodbye to Eli, my weeks have been spent in and out of doctor's appointments, having LOTS of blood taken and finally taking daily injections into my stomach.  It's been fun.

I found out that I have a blood disorder that can cause multiple losses, late losses and stillbirths.  My blood clots easier than most people.  I need to be aware of getting a blood clot and more importantly making sure a blood clot doesn't travel to my heart, lungs or brain.

So I'm on blood thinners until we decide to no longer try for a sibling for Carter ourselves.

Every, single, night John gives me an injection into my stomach.  And it's not pretty.  As if having a baby doesn't do enough to your tummy, add in a C-Section and now 5-million bruises.

I have to say, since finding out this news, I've had quite a few panic attacks.  My thoughts are no longer consumed with "IF" I can have more children, but more of "IF" I will be here for Carter and John.  I will.  I will. I will.

I really will.

Any who, I am usually very open, but just to let you know, I will not be very open on this matter or trying to conceive another child.  More for the fact that it causes too much anxiety to harp on it.  BUT if you do know of anyone going through something similar, like a loss or discovering they have a blood clotting disorder please send them my way.  I want to be here for anyone who needs it.  :)